Sunday, January 1, 2012

No-Kiss Blogfest

Yesterday, on Twitter, the fantabulous Jeri Smith-Ready tweeted about this "No-Kiss Blogfest." Sounded pretty cool to me, so I clicked on the link, and found this post by Frankie Diane Mallis. Basically, it's an annual blogfest where you post a scene of the "no-kiss" between characters... AKA the "OMG, JUST KISS ALREADY" moment that ends with no kiss.

I've chosen to post a "no-kiss" from the project I'm currently* querying, called OPPOSITION. Hope y'all enjoy! ;D

(A little background: This takes place while the two main characters, Ata and Zakai**, are on a journey to restore the Earth's balance--long story. They left their families behind on this quest, so... ya know, reminiscence and all that. And they have special powers... that's all I'm going to say. Which, by the way, is why Zakai says "runs don't tire me.")

***

"It's ten," I murmur.
“How do you know?” Ata asks.
I point at the Big Dipper in the sky, driving that knife in my heart deeper. “Father taught me how to tell time by the stars.”
Ata doesn't answer.
“Is there something wrong?” I sound offended. Good.
Her footsteps echo behind me.
I sigh. "Whatever it is, I don't want to talk about it."
The distance between us stretches thinner than a second. I can feel the puffs of her breath against the back of my neck. My hair rises on end. I need to turn around and walk away and edge that knife deeper, leave it forever pierced between the atriums of my heart, so that the pain can finally swallow me and I can forget it.
My breaths come ruggedly, like I'm panting, but I don't pant. Runs don't tire me. And I see her then, mentally tracing every curve of her face, trying to remember how they felt against my fingertips. She's in front of me.
But I don't want to remember. I want to feel it.
Her breaths turn into short, winded shrieks and mine become heavier, denser, until our breaths are the other beat of each other, the air blowing out in a perfect rhythm. My hands swing harder and my pinky hooks on to hers. She doesn't let go. I blink and we're closer, an inch or so apart. I hear her heart drumming, thud thud thud, or maybe it's my own. She closes her eyes and leans in closer, and I want nothing more in the world than to meet her, my broken heart lights on fire just thinking about it.
But my heart is broken. This is only temporary. What we do now will ruin our chances forever, and one last time isn't worth it to give up our only hope of remaining together.
Gently, I take her shoulders and reel her away.

***
SOOooooo, whaddya think? C'est pas terrible? Let me know in the comments, and be sure to check out Jeri's post here! :D 'cause it's AWESOME. (Well, it's written by Jeri Smith-Ready. What did you expect?)

*Um, not really "currently", I guess, since I'm working on my sucky query again. Seriously, you guys, I can't write a query to save my life.
**Ata's full name is Atalanta, after the Greek namesake--this story is part Greek mythology, after all. Zakai, well... it was just a cool name. LOL! But it also sounds very mythological, IMO, so that's why I chose it.

9 comments:

  1. Awesome! Love the tension--so deliciously heartbreaking.

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  2. Thanks so much, Jeri! I'm like, embarrassed at myself right now, LOL. I say the same in return times 100000!

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  3. I am definitely intrigued. I'm curious why they can't kiss -- the line about what they do now ruining their chances forever. Lots of conflict there!

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  4. I love some of your language, such as the distance stretches thinner than a second. I felt the tension and the melancholy in this scene. Well done!

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  5. Beautifully written, and so sad. I have a ton of questions now. Good luck getting this published so that I can read it in its entirety some day.

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  6. Love the conflict in this scene! Great job! :)

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  7. @Amalia Haha, curious is good! :)
    @Tricia Thank you so much! :)
    @Tichwi Thanks a bunch! :D That's so nice of you to say. :)
    @Larissa Thanks! :D

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  8. ...just curious... the *voice* of this felt very female, the language of the thoughts, what was noticed/etc (the view of the world)... so, is Zakai male or female?

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  9. Haha, he's male. I do very much want to write a LGBTQ relationship, but for this storyline, that wouldn't work out. So... yeah. And I'm curious us to why you thought the voice was female. Are males not supposed to think in a more eloquent, mature way? I'm not trying to diss you or anything, btw. No offense intended. I'm just curious as to what your thoughts are.

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