I'm Back! (Sort of)

WHAAAAT?

I'm BACK?

(okay okay, I know you're all rolling your eyes here because I'm probably going to leave again, so I'm not really back back, but just stay with me for a moment!)

Yeah... I'm sorry guys. I'm horrible.

Yeah yeah yeah, I get it. I deserve it. Come on. You can slap me. As much as you want.

-slapping over-

Okay! I really am sorry, guys. I know, I keep on disappearing for no reason whatsoever, and then I'll post a random review like nothing happened and disappear again. It's quite horrible of me and I apologize.

But- this time I actually have a legitimate reason for my voodoo phantomness!

So I debated about whether or not I should post this, because goddamnit, EXCUSES SUCK. But I figured that this isn't an excuse so much as an explanation, so I'm going to make a wee little exception and explain really quick why I'm like Nearly Headless Nick.

I had planned on posting a LOT this summer, but the moment I got out of school I got diagnosed.

Specifically, I got diagnosed with two things: bipolar disorder, and also granulomatous uveitis. (I also went back to my home country of China for the first time since six years ago, when I first came here. Here being 'murica. But that's a post for another time.)

I have to stop with the sarcasm here and actually be serious for a moment because I don't want anyone to take this the wrong way. Sorry, no more GIFs for a while.

So. I mean first off I should clarify that I've been taking meds and my uveitis is much better. I should also clarify: uveitis is an eye inflammation. It's the reason why I've been missing from social media, and more importantly, this blog. I was completely blind for three days while I got this lovely little inflammation (apparently I can't whisk a sarcastic bone out of my body) and that was just... so eye-opening (heh... eye-opening...) (Oh, I had the inflammation for two months. The blindness was just the worst part. So don't worry, I'm not exaggerating one thing to cover the fact that I keep on vanishing). Here: close your eyes. You can do this for ten minutes, or an hour, however long you want. But close your eyes and try to do something normal, something that you'd usually do when you're bored, or a mundane chore: anything.

It's hard, right?

I know most of us here (especially if you're reading this) spend a LOT of time on the internet. I was also taking two years worth of math at the time, so it was like:

I lied about the no-GIF rule. Sorry not sorry.

except it was really more like this:

I know that sounds really dramatic and stupid... but ah, man, that was tough. Turns out my uveitis was caused by TB. I'm lucky though, the bacteria is still latent in my body, so it's not contagious and I'm taking medicine to prevent it from becoming active. But yeah. Yay inflammation and blindness...

But! My eyes are so much better now! (No duh Juli, look at your internet time log...)

Anyways, I just wanted to let you know about that. IF YOUR EYES EVER HURT, do NOT dismiss it as pink eye! PINK EYE DOES NOT HURT.

^Seriously. Go see a doctor just in case if that happens. I thought I had pink eye for the longest time, and in that time my optic nerve was getting damaged like frick. Not the best feeling.

Anyways. I don't want to seem like I'm complaining--I'm really grateful I got to have this eye-opening (eye-closing?) experience. I think I learned a lot from it. And I'm not going to say much about being bipolar because I'm not very comfortable with it yet and until I can accept it without raging like a raptor from Jurassic Park, I shall remain silent and let other beautiful people on the internet talk for me about that little beast.

So... yeah. Hi guys. I've missed you all so much it blows my mind. And I was prepared to miss y'all a LOT.

HI!

I hope this disjointed post--so so disjointed, and such poor writing...--shed some light (light is great. seriously. no more darkness please.) on my mysterious existence. I'm not going to go back and edit it because I feel like ranting on about bipolar stuff but I don't trust myself to do it without 1) boring you to death and 2) hating myself, so if you spot any grammar/spelling errors, I apologize on behalf of Juli's English Inc.™

School's starting for me again, but I'll do my best to post more this year. I already have a few posts scheduled, so yay for that.

Also, wow, my blog is OVER TWO YEARS OLD. That's insane. Be on the lookout for a celery-bration! Celery because yo, nutrients. And nutrients keep y'all alive.*

*Actual festivities will not include celery**
**Well, maybe for me. I'll eat celery. But I can't mail it to you because how do you even mail vegetables.***
***Hmm... celery is also green. And my blog is green. Wow wow wow serendipity yo. 

YEAH... I'm back.

Hi guys. :)

(I'm so sorry, I couldn't help myself. Please forgive me. T.T)

P.S. Only editing to say that if you know me IRL and you're doing the jazz fingers because yo, you can totally dish on dat Juli now...

I've got my eyes on you... -.-

Spies and Prejudice Blog Tour: Guest Post & Giveaway!

Anyone who knows me knows just how much I absolutely adore the Lizzie Bennet Diaries. There's a reason, after all, that Pride and Prejudice has remained such a beloved classic.

With a spy-cial re-imagination of Austen's iconic novel, please put your hands (fingers? via keyboard?) to give a drumroll to...

SPIES AND PREJUDICE! (the blog tour)

Alright, you all know how much I love guest posts. For this stop I asked the fabulous Talia Vance (by the way, her other YA novel, Silver, is amazing. You can read my review of it here--funnily enough, I was also part of the blog tour for Silver!) to explain her research process. After all: How do we understand a trade so clandestine?

Before I let Talia take the stage, let's find out what Spies and Prejudice is about first, shall we?

Spies and Prejudice
By: Talia Vance
Reported by: Julianna Helms
Release date: June 11th, 2013 via Egmont

Fields’ Rule #1: Don’t fall for the enemy.

Berry Fields is not looking for a boyfriend. She’s busy trailing cheaters and liars in her job as a private investigator, collecting evidence of the affairs she’s sure all men commit. And thanks to a pepper spray incident during an eighth grade game of spin the bottle, the guys at her school are not exactly lining up to date her, either.

So when arrogant—and gorgeous—Tanner Halston rolls into town and calls her “nothing amazing,” it’s no loss for Berry. She’ll forget him in no time. She’s more concerned with the questions surfacing about her mother’s death.

But why does Tanner seem to pop up everywhere in her investigation, always getting in her way? Is he trying to stop her from discovering the truth, or protecting her from an unknown threat? And why can’t Berry remember to hate him when he looks into her eyes?

With a playful nod to Jane Austen, Spies and Prejudice will captivate readers as love and espionage collide.

-Summary via Goodreads
Pre-order:  Mrs. Nelson's (you should totally support my local indie store, yo!) || Barnes & Noble || Amazon || The Book Depository

Doesn't that just sound AWESOME? I know I can't wait to read it!

Alright- Let's get to the guest post:

What was Your Research Process for SPIES AND PREJUDICE?

Since the romantic storyline in Spies and Prejudice is loosely based on Elizabeth Bennet and Fitzwilliam Darcy, it probably comes as no surprise that I spent some time re-reading Pride and Prejudice before I started writing. I picked which characters/archetypes I thought would fit well with my contemporary spy story and re-read some of my favorite scenes. Then I put it away, because I never wanted to do a straight retelling and I didn’t want to copy scenes, so much as honor them with subtle references.

I spent a lot of time researching spy gadgets. I started with gadgets that would be available to a teen with an internet connection. A lot of Berry’s gadgets are things you can purchase online: ninja claws (http://www.amazon.com/Ninja-Hand-Climbing-Tigers-Spikes/dp/B0009X4CDO), foot spikes (http://www.amazon.com/Ninja-Ashiko-Foot-Spikes-Set/dp/B009XXFRBW/ref=sr_1_18?s=sporting-goods&ie=UTF8&qid=1370322648&sr=1-18&keywords=foot+spikes), grappling hooks (http://www.amazon.com/Black-Ninja-Folding-Grappling-Hook/dp/B0009PGVG8/ref=sr_1_5?s=sporting-goods&ie=UTF8&qid=1370322648&sr=1-5&keywords=foot+spikes), listening devices (http://www.amazon.com/Listen-Up-Personal-Sound-Amplifier/dp/B0010ZPI10/ref=sr_1_6?s=electronics&ie=UTF8&qid=1370322755&sr=1-6&keywords=listening+device)and camera glasses (http://www.amazon.com/Fashion-Black-Glasses-Hidden-camera/dp/B009GEOEF8/ref=sr_1_1?s=electronics&ie=UTF8&qid=1370322829&sr=1-1&keywords=camera+glasses+spy) can all be bought with the click of a mouse.

Most teens already have digital cameras, camcorders and voice recording devices right on their cell phones, but I wanted my spy gear to be a bit more sophisticated and stealthy. I interviewed a woman who worked for a defense contractor who designed spy gear, and while she couldn’t reveal any secrets, she was willing to listen to my ideas for button cameras, exploding bracelets and portable scanners, and to let me know if they were feasible (button cams exist!).

I also spent time researching hacking, addiction, Hamlet, energy drinks, redness minimizers and Spielberg films. Berry has a Saint Bernard, and I conducted hands on research, buying a Saint Bernard puppy within days of starting the manuscript and incorporating realistic details of owning a 150 pound monster (like drool that dries to the consistency of glue and hogging the bed).

Finally, I had some real life experience to draw on. My father is a private investigator, and I spent a summer working for him after college. I was a terrible spy, but I the idea that I could have seen something was the impetus for Berry’s story.

That is truly fascinating, Talia! Thanks so much for sharing the behind-the-scenes stuff. It's always interesting to read about these processes.

Want to Know More about Talia?

Talia Vance is a practicing litigation attorney living in Northern California with her real life love interest, two-point-five kids, and a needy Saint Bernard named Huckleberry. Talia has been writing since she could talk, making up stories for every doll, stuffed animal and action figure she could get her hands on. She grew up hoping to write the great American novel, but her life ran more along the lines of tortured romance and fast paced thrillers, so that's what she writes.

Find Talia Online:

Website || Blog || Twitter || Goodreads

Personally, I think Talia can pass for a spy just fine. :)

And now... the moment you've all been waiting for!

Giveaway Details:
-There will be 5 total winners (US only)
-3 winners will receive a hardcover copy of Spies and Prejudice and a t-shirt
-2 winners will receive a t-shirt

Just enter in the Rafflecopter widget below! 

The Last Surprise

The Last Academy
By: Anne Applegate
Reported by: Julianna Helms
Source: ARC via Publisher (Thank you!)
Release date: April 30th, 2013 via Point/Scholastic

What is this prep school preparing them for?

Camden Fisher arrives at boarding school haunted by a falling-out with her best friend back home. But the manicured grounds of Lethe Academy are like nothing Cam has ever known. There are gorgeous, preppy boys wielding tennis rackets, and circles of girls with secrets to spare. Only . . . something is not quite right. One of Cam's new friends mysteriously disappears, but the teachers don't seem too concerned. Cam wakes up to strangers in her room, who then melt into the night. She is suddenly plagued by odd memories, and senses there might be something dark and terrible brewing. But what? The answer will leave Cam—and readers—stunned and breathless, in this thrilling debut novel.

-Summary from Goodreads
Pre-order: Mrs. Nelson's || Barnes & Noble || Amazon || Book Depository

First off, I should probably make the caveat that I'm not typically a fan of boarding school stories. But Scholastic was really kind in sending me this book, and it had a fun-sounding premise, so I figured... why not? 

Oh, why not indeed.

Teen Book Fest (incl. Stephen Chbosky! O.o)

Hey you.

Do you love Stephen Chbosky (The Perks of Being a Wallflower)? Marie Lu (Legend -- my review of Legend is here and of its sequel, Prodigy, here)? Leigh Bardugo (Shadow and Bone)?

Do you live or will be in the Southern California area on Saturday, May 11th?

I really, really hope you just said yes. Because those amazing authors (and many more talented, crazy awesome peeps) will be discussing fabulous bookishess and also signing books (!!!) from 9AM until 5PM at the Teen Book Fest, hosted by the fantastic Ontario City Library! (Sadly, not the Canada Ontario. But Canadians, stay tuned--I do believe I will be giving away some signed swag/maybe books after the event!) It will be here:

Merton E Hill Auditorium at Chaffey High (211 W. 5th Street, Ontario CA)

The door will be open at 8:30AM! If you want to know more about the event, please visit its website here. This is seriously the type of event and author lineup that makes me want to throw up because I'm so excited (sorry- but it's true!).

Comeeeee onnnn, join me! I'll be there and these amazing people will be there and it will be a day full of BADASS bookish business (alliteration *cough*).

Hope to see you there!

Live for This Book

Eleanor & Park
By: Rainbow Rowell
Reported by: Julianna Helms

"Bono met his wife in high school," Park says.
"So did Jerry Lee Lewis," Eleanor answers.
"I’m not kidding," he says.
"You should be," she says, "we’re sixteen."
"What about Romeo and Juliet?"
"Shallow, confused, then dead."
''I love you," Park says.
"Wherefore art thou," Eleanor answers.
"I’m not kidding," he says.
"You should be."

Set over the course of one school year in 1986, ELEANOR AND PARK is the story of two star-crossed misfits – smart enough to know that first love almost never lasts, but brave and desperate enough to try. When Eleanor meets Park, you’ll remember your own first love – and just how hard it pulled you under.

-Summary from Goodreads
Purchase: Mrs. Nelson's || Barnes & Noble || Amazon || The Book Depository 

"Eleanor..." 

"Stop. Don't say my name like that. It only makes it worse." 

"Makes what worse?" 

"Everything," she said. 

He was quiet. 

She sat up and wiped her nose on her sleeve. 

"Do you have a nickname?" he asked. That was one of his tricks, whenever she was put off or irritated--changing the subject in the sweetest way possible.

 -pg. 107 

I don't like this book.

I think I live for this book. (Read the book. You'll get it. What I just did. But also, why I did what I just did.)